Do you have irritation at the thought of someone? When you see someone, does something rise inside you that feels like burning hot anger? Does the mention of someone’s name feel like sandpaper on your soul? There’s a high probability you’re harboring bitterness towards them. Seek the Lord.

See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;

📜 Hebrews 12:15 – English Standard Version

The Greek verb ἐνοχλέω is used in Hebrews 12:15 and is translated in the ESV as “causes trouble.” The lexicon (Greek Dictionary, BDAG) has this word sense meaning “to interfere or bother to the point of causing discomfort, trouble, annoy.” Therefore, if you are annoyed or discomforted about the thought of someone or just annoyed by that person in general, you may have bitterness towards them.

Hebrews 12:15 is placed inside a context of the local body and the Lord disciplining the members of that body for their holiness. The author of Hebrews acknowledges that this discipline is likely to cause “drooping hands and weak knees.” In the ESV, the section heading is titled “Do Not Grow Weary.” This gives us good insight into the situation of the recipients of this writing.

Thus, when the Lord is disciplining us, it is easy to become embittered with the Lord or our circumstances. We must keep a proper perspective of discipline (holiness, maturity, eternal) so we aren’t embittered by it, but that’s a whole different article. In addition, when we are “pursuing peace” and holiness with one another, it is easy to become bitter toward one another because of offense. This is really the part where I want to focus our attention. When someone approaches you about your sin, it is a prime opportunity for offense to set in. This is especially true If your hands are already drooping and your knees are weak; the enemy will take this opportunity to bait you with offense because you’re tired. Offense is one of the main places where bitterness begins. We must be wise to the enemy’s tactics.

For this writing, it may be more fruitful to discuss offense in slightly broader terms. Offense generally happens in the heart when there is a perceived or real injustice. The occurrence of this injustice creates an opportunity for offense to occur. The enemy will bait us to become offended. Frankly, it’s sometimes hard to discern. There is a high probability that if you spend time around people you will pick up offense from time to time. What we do with offense is ultimately what matters.

Ephesians 4:32 gives guidance on how to handle offense and avoid becoming embittered. The scripture tells us to forgive. The way that Paul writes this particular passage is an antidote to what he has described in the passages that precede it. Ephesians 4:32 works as a literary sum-up. In plain language, people act like people. They will do things that will hurt you. Forgive them as God in Christ forgave you.

In reading Ephesians 4:25-32, we can quickly conclude that the way a believer should handle their heart is to be forgiving, “forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.” Not doing so will eventually lead to bitterness. I have experiential knowledge of this truth. I confess that I have lived this more times than I care to admit. I have been slow to forgive and my heart has become embittered as a result.

Jesus modeled this principle well for us on the cross. Instead of becoming embittered with those that hung him there, even though he was completely innocent, he prayed for them and begged God to forgive them (Luke 23:34). He forgave; he didn’t become embittered. In the greatest scandal in world history, the greatest act of injustice the world would ever know, Jesus chose to forgive. Knowing this, how can we allow some sort of injustice (perceived or real) to become embittering to our hearts? Followers of Christ must be people of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a mark of Christian authenticity. If you won’t genuinely forgive, you don’t know Jesus. That statement was sharp on purpose. Notice the word “won’t.” Won’t implies that you have chosen to refuse to forgive. It is impossible to claim to follow the gold standard of forgiveness (Christ) and refuse to do what he embodies. A follower does what the leader does or that person isn’t a follower. If you’re struggling to forgive, rest assured we all do. That is where we ask for the grace to do so that is ours in the Gospel. (Another place worth reading on this topic is Acts 6:8-7:60. Stephen is the embodiment of what it looks like to follow Christ. Pay close attention to verse 7:60 and what he said as he was being murdered for his faith.)

In Hebrews 12:16-17, the author explains the outcome of a bitter person, using Esau as an example. The bitter person will be gratifying to their flesh and temporally focused, very comfort driven. They will have no consciousness of an eternal perspective and do whatever they can to gratify their flesh regardless of the moral implications—a completely in-the-moment and instant gratification set of behaviors.

The bitter person works this way because gratifying their flesh is their way of self-soothing. A bitter person grieves the Holy Spirit, as also mentioned in Ephesians 4. Self becomes an idol. The bitter person comforts themself instead of embracing the Comforter. The gratification of the flesh is their comfort rather than true spiritual comfort richly supplied by the Holy Spirit. We can’t embrace the Comforter, the Holy Spirit, and embrace bitterness at the same time. We must choose to forgive and choose to embrace the Holy Spirit to be our comfort.

What then are we to do? I can think of many times where I have chosen to self-comfort in my bitterness rather than seek the comfort of the Holy Spirit through forgiveness and heart healing. Can you think of a place in your life where you might be self-soothing? Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal places in your heart where you might be harboring bitterness. If he shows you something, be quick to forgive. Ask for the grace to do so. Don’t try to go at it alone. Jesus richly supplies all that we need; just ask. Through this forgiveness, the Holy Spirit will comfort your heart, and you will notice a stronger spiritual vitality. You will begin to walk more like the person God designed you to be and less like your old self.